Safe Trailer: Jason Statham Kicks Ass, Boasts About His Balls

In the new Jason Statham thriller Safe, which comes out on the Oscar-unfriendly date of March 2, our gritty hero must protect a 12-year-old girl who can “memorize anything.” Would you beat up a bunch of trained hoodlums to protect a preteen with savant tendencies? Is memorization that necessary a skill anymore? I would just buy an almanac or a flash drive and let the girl fend for herself. But Jason chose differently! Click through for the trailer’s carnage and some of Statham’s old-fashioned testicle touting. Yep, yep. Do you like subway fight choreography? In that case, do you still watch Ghost on TBS and freak out at Swayze’s interaction with the creepy subway freak? Yeah, me too. I wish Safe featured more paranormal fighting, not just this regular-joe jujitsu dancing. Yawn. This movie is pretty much indistinguishable from the 45 Jason Statham movies to come out in the past four months. Hey, though: His balls are so big, it’s hard to believe he can walk! That was a great cinematic moment for Statty. More cajones cajokes in his next 27 movies, please. Save some for Channing Tatum too. The Son of No One needed way more scrotum hokum. Verdict: Too damn safe ‘Safe’ Trailer [/Film]